I have been away from Tumblr for awhile due to many factors over the past few months. After much change in my life not in my control and constant readjustments of my daily life, I have come to some decisions about the things that I do have control over. As it turns out, these are things that I’ve been longing to reintegrate into my daily life for years but have not had the time due to having a crazy busy and draining job. I have also decided that this is going to become the place where I hold myself accountable to keep up on the positive changes in my life.
I won’t dive into every detail into what has happened just so I don’t bore everyone with the horrid events and sadness of someone else’s life. But I also don’t want to neglect mentioning the events of my life because I feel that creates a void and lack of connection to the humanity of who someone is.
So here it is: For 7 years I worked in the Emergency Dept. at a Children’s Hospital. It was intense and beautiful and fun all at the same time. It was also draining emotionally and physically. But man do I love connecting with children and helping people when they most need it. I learned so much every day! About the human body, physical medical skills, but most importantly, about the human spirit and the humanity that connects us all. Daily, I saw genetic malformities, physical injuries, mental health cases, child abuse in the worst ways, and death. Also I saw hilarious children, amazing people caring for all these children (parents and healthcare workers), and in and amongst ALL of the various people and issues there was just pure beauty. Beauty of humanity. Beauty of the never-ending spectrum of human compassion and personality. I live in a VERY culturally diverse area with people from all over the world and country, and I’m not sure that I will ever have the chance again to connect on such a personal level with so many people from so many countries and backgrounds. I LOVED that aspect of the job to my core.
Now it was not all wonder and beauty. Man…..it sooo wasn’t. More on that another time. But while working, I never had the time to write down all the stories that I wanted to, or to draw all the pictures that I wanted to, to record my life at the time and all that I saw and learned. I was simply too exhausted mentally by the time I got home at 7:00 am to sit down and journal. My art, my creativity, my way of destressing and feeding the part of my soul that heals and invigorates me to grow, all took a back seat to my job, paying off debt, and frankly, trying to just feed myself.
Seven years…………………………..then a back injury. It’s like pulling the emergency break while driving 80 miles per hour on a freeway while pulling the trailer that is your life, that you’re just trying to keep running as smoothly as possible. EVERYTHING gets crushed….all parts of life. It is immensly hard to pick up the pieces after that, and those pieces don’t fit the puzzle anymore. You have to create a new puzzle with the pieces you can salvage. And those pieces can’t be used for the same purposes anymore either. Every aspect of daily living has to be changed. Every one. From the way you sit up in the morning, to the way you sweep a floor, to not being able to cross your legs when sitting, to the amount of time it takes to do ALL of these things and more. Everything takes so much more time. A one bedroom apartment that would take me a day to clean once a week, now takes a week or 2 to get clean. Pain prevents everything. Pain tells me what to do from the time I wake up to the time I go to bed…..and even then, it tells me how to sleep or even IF I will sleep that night. And then there’s the mourning of loss of physical activities (I love to hike and travel and camp and soooooo much more…..it’s in my blood). Ohhh it’s been so much fun!!
It’s been over a year and medically, there has not been much progress if any. I can not see that horizon yet and have learned to stop looking for it for the time being. BUT….. the good that has come out of this is that I have connected back to myself in this past year! The creative juices have been flowing and not just in my head anymore but through my hands. For awhile, my creative brain was screaming at me so loud! I had to pat it on the head and say ”not yet my love….no time…but soon…later, later” for so long, that I couldn’t even figure out WHAT to actually do first when I started listening. I was overwhelmed!! So many ideas in soo many mediums!! Aghhhhh!!!! Alas, I think I’ve found the answer, finally!, to satisfy my head, my heart, and what I can actually physically do. I dove into reading and drooling over art journals over the past year. They cover EVERYTHING. There are no rules….which I am a huge fan of in this aspect! I can do whatever I want and also keep up on creating every day. *Enter the light bulb over the head and the heart swelling with joy. This will feed my need to get ideas down and journal my life, and I can also simultaneously work on the rugs I’ve started making and jewelry as well. I started making rugs last year while in bed lying on my back for the majority of the day. Turns out I’ve been getting better and now have more orders than I can fill in a timely manner! Yay!!
In this new year of 2013, I’m going to try to do a few things.Tthey are not resolutions because those are as worthless as diets. They are just a continuation of many life changes I have been in the process of making. 1. Try to do the 365 day project of drawing or creating SOMETHING daily. And keep track of it here. 2. Take one more step into becoming who I truly am inside and go back to being vegetarian. 3. Continue to grow my rug business. It’s called Milkweed & Lilac and I’m on Facebook for anyone curious :-) 4. Spruce up my Milkweed & Lilac site. I have little experience with photography and hate trying to sell myself so someone will buy my wares…ugh. But this year I really need to improve in that area! So I will take those steps this year. actually that needs to happen soon! haha!
Well, that’s all for today. This Tumblr site is going to change a bit this year. It will still be filled with the things that inspire me and make me laugh, but it will also now be alot more personal. I hope everyone has a very fulfilling January so far!
ACTION NEEDED: STOP PRIMATES USED IN RESEARCH
The U.S. is the largest importer of primates. In a previous eNews, NEAVS reported on the cruelty and suffering inflicted on thousands of wild primates who are torn from their families and jungle homes to be exported directly for research or confined in labs to produce monkeys for laboratories worldwide.
Last month, the British Broadcasting Corporation reported on the success of campaigns to end the transportation of animals to laboratories in the United Kingdom. In Israel, the airline El Al refused to export animals for research and the High Court of Justice temporarily halted the export of 90 monkeys from a breeding farm to Shin Nippon Biomedical Laboratories in the U.S.
TAKE ACTION NOW!
Help end airline transportation of primates for use in research. Ask airlines that still transport primates for research to implement an immediate ban on transporting monkeys for research. Contact the airlines now.
The Animal Welfare Act provides minimal protections to animals in laboratories. Therefore, one of our priorities is promoting and mandating alternatives to animal testing. Find out about our Mandatory Alternatives Petition, which asks the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) to mandate the use of scientifically proven testing methods that replace the use of animals. The use of animals, including monkeys, to meet FDA’s requirements for safety and efficacy of all new drugs and medical products accounts for thousands of deaths a year and it is not necessary.
Standing atop a hill in Las Cruces, N.M., overlooking Interstate 10, is a 20-foot roadrunner sculpture made from trash from the city dump. The bird was built from a variety of objects, including toys, computer parts and sheet metal, but its belly was made almost entirely from discarded white shoes.
Since the bird arrived on the mesa in 2000, people have been writing graffiti on the shoes. There are many declarations of love and generic “I was here” posts, but one blogger says this was his favorite message: “I drive this truck so my boy can attend a good college and become something better than his old man ever dreamed. Look after me and my rig as I pass below, amigo.”
8 roadside attractions made from salvaged materials
The reality is that fat people are often supported in hating their bodies, in starving themselves, in engaging in unsafe exercise, and in seeking out weight loss by any means necessary. A thin person who does these things is considered mentally ill. A fat person who does these things is redeemed by them. This is why our culture has no concept of a fat person who also has an eating disorder. If you’re fat, it’s not an eating disorder — it’s a lifestyle change. ”
Lesley Kinzel (via curvesahead)
I will always reblog this because it is so so important.
I just want to nail this to every stable surface I can find. I cannot count the amount of times that I’ve seen fat folks being encouraged, cajoled, and even forced into behaviors that would be recognized as disordered eating/exercising patterns in thin folks.
Pretty much everything that’s done on shows like The Biggest Loser would be called out as pro-ana/pro-orthorexia in a thin person. Exercising past the point that it hurts, to the point where you’re throwing up, even injuring yourself? Berating yourself because you didn’t lose ENOUGH weight this week? Constantly talking about how fat is weakness and thinness will make everything better, about how you can’t stand to be your current weight anymore? Emphasis on weight as a sign of how much control, strength, and worth you have? Viewing food as bad, as a temptation to sin? Constant sharing and talking about tips on how to minimize food intake, how to lose weight?
That sounds exactly like every pro-ana/pro-mia blog I’ve ever seen. It’s also what fat people are told we need to be doing to ourselves until we’re thin.
I won’t stop reblogging this when I see it.
(Source: xojane.com, via ileaveoutalltherest)
*Please ignore this post, i just need to vent my feelings*
I’ve been researching disc herniations and degenerative disc disease after finally getting a diagnosis last week. I felt that i didn’t understand the diagnosis enough. I mean, i never knew, well, anything about discs. I certainly didn’t realise that they were made up of matter that could rupture. When i was little, when adults referred to slipped discs i actually thought the discs were metal! The herniation presses against the spinal nerves causing agonising pain for most people (including myself. I’ve been suffering for 14 weeks with more pain then i’ve ever had in my life- combined); although for a very lucky minority, some never realise anything has happened! I’m still unsure about what degenerative disc disease means for me, but i hope in time the doctors will help me to understand if it’s anything to worry about.
For the past 12 weeks i’ve been absent from work. I can’t stand or sit for very long, and for this reason i’ve lost so much of my independence. I spend the majority of my time in bed but yet i struggle to sleep as lying down is so painful, too. Whatever i do there is a burning, stabbing pain from my lower back to my neck. Some days are much worse than others and unfortunately, no drug has given me any relief so far. It took 8 weeks of sick notes, medication and blood tests until i was sent for an MRI scan, which led to a diagnosis. I never thought, at twenty- six, that i would be faced with a herniated disc as well as several other problems! I always thought it was something older people got! But I remain in good spirits and i’m hopeful that things will improve once i begin treatment with the pain clinic. I honestly can’t wait to regain some sort of normality and to get my life back. I can’t see an end to this but i hope to prove myself wrong. I just want to be back on my feet again, living life. I miss little things like going for a walk, leaving the house, looking after my pets. And i really miss having the freedom to travel. My life has become quite a lonely existence.
I’m sorry for venting my thoughts on my blog but i needed to get that out. I just wondered, if there is anybody else on here also suffering with the same or a similar condition?
Monsanto’s Round-Up is Morphing Frogs
Roundup Linked to Animal Shape Changes
The world’s most popular weed killer can induce morphological changes in vertebrate animals, U.S. biologists studying its effect on amphibians say. University of Pittsburgh researchers have found that the weed killer Roundup, in sub-lethal and environmentally relevant concentrations, causes two species of amphibians to change their shape by interfering with the hormones of tadpoles and potentially many other animals.
The study, “New effects of Roundup on amphibians: Predators reduce herbicide mortality; herbicides induce antipredator morphology” is the first to show that a pesticide can induce morphological changes in a vertebrate animal, biological sciences Professor Rick Relyea, PhD, said in a university release. The study was undertaken using simple created wetlands and introducing tadpoles from three species of amphibians –the leopard frog, American toad, and wood frogs. After three weeks, the tadpoles were examined. The impact of Roundup on the shape of tadpole tails was most noticeable in both the wood frog and leopard frog tadpoles…
Roundup is a systemic, broad-spectrum herbicide produced by Monsanto. Glyphosate, the active ingredient in Roundup, is a general herbicide used for eradication of broadleaf weeds. It has been linked to a number of serious human health effects, including increased cancer risk and neurotoxicity, as well as eye, skin, and respiratory irritation. Glyphosate is used in almost all agricultural and urban areas of the United States.